Gwyneth Paltrow’s extravagant Goop holiday gift guides includes a $1,350 BDSM kit

Gwyneth Paltrow has debuted her 2019 holiday gift guide, and anyone hoping for a tasteful, budget-friendly shopping list is out of luck — and obviously hasn’t been paying attention.

This year’s Goop gift guide is just as outrageous as ever, and that’s not just because of the ‘Ridiculous but Awesome’ category that includes things like a $1,350 Kiki de Montparnasse ‘restraining arts’ BDSM kit, $250 gold fire extinguisher, a $33,000 smoker, and a $110,00 tree house. 

The kit is described as a ‘beginners guide to BDSM’, and comes with wrist and ankle cuffs and a leather bound paddle. 

Even in the more traditional categories, the 47-year-old actress and tastemaker has spotlighted some truly outrageous things, from a $21,000 necklace to an $800 herb garden to a designated sex pillow that costs $100. 

There are ten categories in all, with most aimed at a particular type of recipient. That is, except the ‘Ridiculous but Awesome’ category, which has suggestions that are clearly only appropriate for people so rich they already have everything they could ever possibly want.

That list includes a $275,000 limited-edition copy of Norman Mailer’s MoonFire, which comes with a case inspired by the Apollo 11 LEM and an actual piece of lunar meteorite.

There’s also a $250 Safe-T brass fire extinguisher, a $110,000 Precht treehouse, a $16,000 tin of caviar, $99 dehydrated caviar, a $5,000 vintage Louis Vuitton trunk, and a $23,730 billiards table.

Starting at $75,000, shoppers can also hire a teem of photographers to document a family vacation and put the photos in an elaborate book.

The list also includes a $33,000 Mill Scale smoker, a $1,999 Varier Gravity Balans Chair that simulates weightlessness, a $19,8000 Robinson Pelham necklace, and an automatic joint roller by Banana Bros for $130. 

That’s not even including the experience gifts, like a $250,000+ seat on a Virgin Galactic space flight, a $25,000 plant music installation, a $69,888 trip from Bali, Indonesia to Luang Prabang, Laos, and a $1.3 million adventure pack with 12 months of trips that focus on endangered species.

But just because that’s the only category with ‘ridiculous’ in the name doesn’t mean most regular people won’t apply the word ‘ridiculous’ to other lists in the gift guide.

In fact, she has an entirely separate category for ‘The One Who Has Everything.’

That list includes a $995 book about wine, a $395 Henley, a $21,000 Anita Ko diamond necklace, a $5,950 Chanel bag, a $995 G. Label leather skirt, a $320 set of six stemless glasses, and $680 ski pants with a matching $840 jacket.

There’s also $185 Vintner’s Daughter face serum, another Anita Ko necklace for $10,800, a $1,250 microneedling appointment, a $200 wine decanter, a $22,500 secondhand Hermes bag, a $949 cat jungle gym, $770 Rosetta Getty shoes, and a $2,995 Bluejay Bicycles electric bike. 

Finishing it off are $43,200 earrings and a $1,495 Edie Parker ‘four in a row’ set, which is just fancy marble version of Connect Four.  

Gwyneth, who has shared countless sexy gift guides packed with sex toys and products over the years, naturally dedicated a category in this gift guide to gifts for ‘lovers.’

That category includes plenty of pricey lingerie, pajamas, oils, and sex toys, but a few items really stand out.

She recommends $425 gold handcuffs by Kiki de Montparnasse, a $525 kimono, a $445 fur coat, a $128 garter belt, a $102 leather blindfold, and a single Le Bouche Rouge that costs $164.  

The list also includes a $95 pillow meant just for lifting a woman’s pelvis up during sex, when a normal pillow just won’t do. 

On the more budget-friendly end, there’s The Penis Book, which has an eggplant emoji on the cover and is ‘a doctor’s complete guide to the penis’.

For the hostess, Gwyneth suggests buying an $86 FS Objects wine stopper, a $90 set of eight chocolate bars from Compartés, an $80 set of reusable napkins, a $60 Boska cheese grater, and a gold colored Skultuna watering can that costs $180.

She likes $145 Anna New York whiskey stones, which are kept in the freezer and using by whiskey drinkers who don’t want their alcohol watered down by melting ice.

On the list is also a $528 ice cream of the month club from McConnell’s, a $180 decanter, a $250 plain black serving board, and an $88 colander.

Perhaps the most puzzling gift int he category is a $499 leather ‘firewood tote’ from her Goop collaboration with CB2, which is used for bringing in firewood and displaying it nicely inside.

For cooks, Gwyneth’s favorites include a $300 Mauviel crepe pan, a $74 duo of Brightland olive oils, a $199 Boska raclette maker, a $96 spice jar set, and a single $749 knife by Aura Chef.  

There’s also a $40 Alessi potato peeler, $55 Jacobsen’s Salt Co. finishing salt, and a $150 Marcato pasta maker.

For experiences, she suggests a packaged culinary journey through Spain, which costs $1,200 per person per day. 

For the traveler Gwyneth suggests a $410 Stow travel tech case that fits small electronics and cords, a $225 Kristie Streicher eyebrow grooming kit, a $90 woven pouch, a $150 Courant power bank, a $180 Ember travel mug, and a $1,700 suitcase — which has a single handle and isn’t on wheels.

The list includes coats, supplements, beauty products, and scarves, as well as a $520 Celine basket, a $499 Bugaboo stroller, a $1,250 Hermes phone case, and $28 coffee.

Of course, it also has a few trips, like a $3,115 per person wellness retreat in England and a $3,700 two- or three-day cruise.

The wellness junkie’s guide includes plenty of beauty products and skincare — and a $2,200 Hydrow rowing machine.

She thinks a $1,199 composter would make a great gift, as would a $799 ‘smart’ microgarden, a $600 Vitamix blender, a $495 Ratio Coffee coffee maker, and a $485 weighted blanket.

The list includes a $220 Proppr ‘bathroom footrest,’ which seems to be a much, much pricier version of the $25 Squatty Potty.

There is also a $299 ‘temperature control bracelet’ from Embr Labs, which claims to adjust a person’s body temperature when they are too hot or too cold. 

Goop’s guide for men is one of the less-outrageous ones, suggesting a $495 G. Label cashmere sweater, a $999 Roomba, $4275 cuff links, and $174 sweatpants.

But it does have a $300 chrome razor and stand, a $7,640 safari, and a $1,434 surfboard — one of three surfboards on the entire list.

Finally, the list of gifts for children includes a $2,600 bassinet that converts into a plush ottoman.

It also has a $168 baby sweater, a $500 mobile for hanging above a crib, and a $650 jacket that the kid might grow out of by next winter.